It’s pretty much a universal given that people with any semblance of decency are expected to treat those with physical shortcomings and disabilities as we’d treat any other human being.‭ Fortunately,‭ ‬they have support from a large company in their march towards equality.‭ ‬Nintendo,‭ ‬proving itself to be a firm supporter of progressive ideologies,‭ ‬cast a little person as the punchy protagonist in‭ ‬Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out‭!!

By all accounts,‭ ‬Little Mac should not have been a contender.‭ ‬He’s around‭ ‬3‭’‬10,‭ ‬couldn’t have weighed more than‭ ‬90‭ ‬lbs,‭ ‬and frankly,‭ ‬doesn’t look all too bright,‭ ‬even for a boxer.‭ ‬How small is The Little One‭? ‬Well,‭ ‬when facing off against hulking brutes like Soda Popinski,‭ ‬the little guy’s brow barely passes the big Russian’s alcohol-soaked taint‭ (‬I’m not sure if that’s a positive or a negative‭)‬.‭

The reason for his Liliputian stature was due to the NES’s limited graphics muscle.‭ ‬The arcade version of‭ ‬Punch-Out‭!!‬ featured a wire-frame fighter that’s the same stature as his rivals.‭ ‬But the NES‭’ ‬lack of transparencies forced those Japanese game geniuses to shrink the player’s character in order to keep the computer-controlled boxers visible.‭ ‬Had Nintendo not shrunk Mac to the size of Webster,‭ ‬his head and shoulders alone would’ve blotted out a good portion of the game field.

Despite his demure size,‭ ‬Mac had a heart the size of Conan O’Brien’s noggin.‭ ‬While the other fighters earned their reps with windmills,‭ ‬haymakers,‭ ‬and mystical abilities,‭ ‬Mac had to make due with the most fundamental of boxing techniques:‭ ‬two jabs,‭ ‬two body blows,‭ ‬and an uppercut if you were skilled enough to earn a star by catching your opponent off guard with a timely blow.‭ ‬I mean,‭ ‬seriously,‭ ‬you have to root for someone that has to leap with all of his might simply to land a crack on Glass Joe’s jaw.‭

If you were fortunate enough to blow through the game’s rather wonderful selection of ethnic and racial stereotypes in order to dance the deadly dance versus Iron Mike‭ (‬perhaps I should say,‭ ‬if you made it‭; ‬I know that there are a few stragglers out there that never took Tyson down‭)‬,‭ ‬you can revel in the fact that the Baddest Man on the Planet was brought down by the most unlikeliest of champs.‭ ‬As a lifelong gamer,‭ ‬I consider it one of the crowning achievements in my thirtysomething years.‭ ‬To paraphrase the great Bill Walton,‭ ‬I peaked at age‭ ‬12.‭ ‬Judge me not.

The make-believe psychologist in me could go on about Little Mac as the symbol of the lower classes as they strive to survive in a world dominated by the elite‭; ‬Mac could also be seen as the representative of all the huddled masses who came to this country only to wage a bitter war of hatred against all peoples that look differently than themselves.‭ ‬But in the long run,‭ ‬all of the psychoanalyzing amounts to nothing as,‭ ‬ultimately,‭ ‬Little Mac’s is just a small,‭ ‬feisty person of an unidentifiable ethnic origin‭; ‬kind of like Rhea Pearlman,‭ ‬only with slightly better hair.‭ ‬He may forever me able to order off any restaurant’s kids meal menu,‭ ‬but Little Mac will forever loom large in the hearts of old school sports gamers.