It’s Father’s Day 2013. Instead of taking a trip to the mall to buy dear ol’ dad a heinous tie or coffee mug, consider opening your laptop and showing daddy our list of memorable video game fathers. They may not be the best, they may not be the worst, but you’ll definitely remember them. Just like pops.
Doctor Thomas Light is a master roboticist, Nobel Price winner, and the proud Papa of Mega Man and several other robots in the Mega Man universe (he’s also a proud owner of a Santa Claus-like beard and gut). Throughout the Mega Man series he plays Q to the various Mega Men’s Bond, offering gear and moral support as his kids battle the mechanical baddies created by his former partner (and BFF), Dr. Wily.
Ass-Spanking Moment: He created Mega Man. Nuff said.
Art of Fighting‘s Takuma Sakazaki is one odd character. On one hand he’s the visionary creator of the Kyokogen karate ( a style that his children Ryo and Yuri have adopted, as well as Marco Rodriquez/Kushnood Butt), and he’s also a bat-shit insane man who dons a tengu mask to become Mr. Karate, his not-so-secret identity.
Ass-Spanking Moment: Takuma dons a tengu mask and squares off against his son Ryo (after Geese orders Mr. Big to kidnap Takuma’s daughter Yuri).
For the current generation of gamers, Big Boss is the neigh-mythical father figure whose legacy spurred the events in the Metal Gear Solid series. After all, without the man with the eye-patch, there wouldn’t be any Liquid Snake, Solidus Snake, Solid Snake, or number of Genome Soldiers cloned from Big Boss’ DNA. Back in the heyday of the NES and the MSX home computer, Big Boss was the perceived villain who was hell-bent on killing kittens, sticking his fingers in mom’s apple pie, and hating freedom. But after the events of the Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, and Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker we learned that this infamous figure wasn’t quite the bastard we were lead to believe. We’ll see what happens in Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain.
Ass-Spanking Moment: In Metal Gear, Big Boss was Solid Snake’s commanding officer, offering guidance and good will, until the end of the game where he spits out misleading advice and orders you to abort the mission (not unlike the virtual colonel in Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty). After you defeat the giant, non-walking PC that is considered a Metal Gear, Big Boss turns a-hole and becomes, well, the final boss.
The most bad ass of bad ass fighting game antagonists, Geese Howard, former corrupt police commissioner turned kingpin, ruled the streets of South Town with this strong, gangster fist. Not only did Geese have his city on complete and utter lock down thanks to thug underlings Mr. Big and Billy Kane, he was also the master of an absolutely brutal fighting style that shattered many fighting game fans’ wills.
Ass-Spanking Moment: Although assumed to have committed many an atrocity, Geese’s relation to children is particularly vile. Not only did Geese order the hit on Jeff Bogard (leaving two previously orphaned Bogard boys once again parentless), he also was responsible for kidnapping of Yuri Sazaki in Art of Fighting, and doesn’t acknowledge the existence of his own seed, Rock. In other words, Geese hates kids, and probably you. Happy Father’s Day!
Final Fight‘s Mike Haggar is what Rudolph Giuliani would’ve been if he were taller, went to the gym, and had the sack to physically backup his big yap. Haggar, the extremely pumped and manly head of Metro City, doesn’t shuffle papers or court corrupt businessmen; he cleans up the gang-infested streets one spinal snap at a time. Not much is known about Mayor Mike Haggar previous to his political career other than the fact that the he-man grappler was, shockingly, a pro wrestler before taking public office. But when the Mad Gear Gang kidnapped Jessica, his lovely daughter, he returned to the way of the fist by regulating Metro City thugs with clotheslines and piledrivers.
Ass-Spanking Moment: Whenever he did this.