I would’ve been tarred-and-feathered, hung from a tree, thrown off a bridge, and run over by a Mac truck by the rabid Tecmo Bowl fanboys had I not mentioned Lawrence Taylor. I know better than to gamble with my life. Although LT’s alter ego is an excellent play-stopper in the Blitz: The League and Blitz: The League II, he doesn’t have jack on Tecmo Taylor, the greatest defensive force in sports videogame history.

The Tecmo Bowl series is legendary for its classic team rosters and super-human performances, but no single player, save for Tecmo Super Bowl‘s legendary Bo Jackson, inspired as much fear from opposing players. Lawrence Taylor did what no other videogame athlete was unable to do: make you dread the act of scoring.

In your typical sports game, scoring is the means by which you proved to your little brother, older brother, or best friend that they weren’t fit to carry your digital jock. This is especially true in football where the goal is to march your team the length of the field, as you pick apart your opponent’s defensive, to put six on the board, plus one more with the kick. Sound petty basic, right? It is. But imagine the feeling of impending doom that would come when you know that every one of your extra point attempts would be blocked. That tingle going down your spine? That’s just Lawrence Taylor.

LT, in the original NES Tecmo  Bowl, is an unyielding point thief. Every time that you go for the extra point (or field goal for that matter )he stuffs it back down your throat like your mom did when you tried to spit out your morning dose of cod liver oil. In fact, it would actually be harder to attempt to block a shot and fail, because Taylor is a human flyswatter. What makes LT’s game even more deadly is that it doesn’t take much effort to block kick after kick after kick. Taylor’s is so hopped up on Tecmo juice that he’ll simply “popcorn” the defensive line.

What is “popcorning”, you ask? It’s term used in the hardcore Tecmo crowds to describe a player that’s so physically strong, that opponents bounce off him when they make contact. It’s a particularly bad-assed visual that few in-game characters in the series can pull off. Thanks to the Tecmo “haxorz” community, I was able to acquire some knowledge on the popcorn phenomena. In Tecmo the higher a player’s Power ranking, the better. In the case of our ol’ chum Lawrence Taylor, he has a Power ranking of 86 (the most out of all defenders), which explains why offensive players clear a path for him.

Here’s how it works: If a player has a 50 point Hit Point advantage over his opponent, he can steamroll right through him without stopping. There’s also a secondary popcorn effect, which happens when there is a 25 point difference between player; instead of simply running over a foe, you very briefly lock up in a tackle, but quickly fling that girly man to the side. Taylor is so adept at breaking through lines and blocking kicks that you can simply take a glance at the score and determine by one player’s point total being a numerical value based on 6 just who was eating a BLT (Blocking Lawrence Taylor) sandwich.

The Ronnie Lotts, Bruce Smiths, and Howie Longs of the Tecmo universe are all stellar, game-changing grunts, but when it comes down to making your opponent shout colorful language at the top of his lungs, no one does it better than Lawrence Taylor. Oh, and did I also mention his linebusting can be used to rack up more sacks than one would ever dare to dream?

Take what you can get, my friends.