If you were to take Pete, Joe, Hank and the rest of the American Dreams‘ starting nine, toss them into a blender, and top it off with a scoop of Ted Williams, you’d have the most homerunniest hitting baseball player in gaming history. A man so potent that, much like Madonna or what’s her face from Black Eye Peas who’s too old to keep pretending that she 18, he’s known only by one name: Paste.
Who knows how he acquired the moniker, but in my book the name is on the same kickass par as The Duke, The Babe, and Screech. Maybe he was a Ralph Wiggum type that digested Elmer’s on a daily basis. Or maybe he sniffed it in the back staircase of his high school. A boy has to do what he needs to do in order to perform at the top of his game.
Disregarding any potential adhesive addiction, Paste is the best thing to come out of Jersey since, well, ever. That’s right, Jersey. Unlike Baseball Stars that has totally bogus players and teams, Bases Loaded at least attempted to keep things real. Granted, Ghastly Monsters sounds a helluva lot cooler than Jersey, but at least the developer, Jaleco, based teams on actual locations and not a goofy horror movie gimmick. But still – - Jersey?
Bases Loaded isn’t a stat heavy game; in fact you can’t keep track of them at all. But the default numbers that are included for hitters (batting average and homeruns) are all that’s needed to elevate Paste into the realm of “damn, this mofo is AWESOME” territory. Check the numbers: Paste rocks a remarkable 60 homeruns…60! Sure, in the aftermath of Flax Seed Oil and Canseco Milkshakes, 60 dingers reads kind of tame, especially when Big Mac and Big Head both managed to hit 70 roundtrippers. But back in the late ‘80s, this number was still holy and unlike the Sosas of the world, Jaleco showed respect to Ruth by having Paste’s tater total not surpass the Sultan of Swat’s magic number – - the original godly single season homerun total.
Check his numbers yet again: Paste rocks a .467 batting average. .467! His season average is what many major leaguers can’t even maintain during spring training. Paste’s cranks out hits at an almost 50% clip which means that he’s making extreme contact with the baseball. That’s extremely hazardous for pitchers when an opponent is popping the ball out of the park 60 times in a season.
Personally, I never used Paste much because winning became simply too easy. I was more a Philadelphia man, because they had the best pitching in the league. So when my friend Al selected the New Jersey Pastes, I figured that I had him and the team in the bag. After all, good pitching is supposed to beat good hitting.
Fox and Carr, my Philly aces that managed to shut down everyone else I’d played with their deadly combo of speed and finesse, looked like they were tossing batting practice when they faced Paste. The dude always seemed to hit two homers a game or one homer and one really deep one that ricocheted off the top of the fence. Paste=Power.
Unfortunately, the one drawback to Paste’s power is that he hit balls way too hard. Liners and gappers that would be doubles for normal players turn into singles as the ball gets to fielders way, way too quickly.
Baseball (as I was frequently reminded by my little league couch while I showboated after a dinger) is a team sport, and as such, even Paste gets an assist from a teammate. For the wisenheimers who want to get all Sparky Anderson and try to walk Paste in order to get to weaker player – - good luck. Although no player in Bases Loaded can compare bats with the Paster, Jersey’s clean up hitter, Bay, prevents pitchers from making the smart, strategic move.
Jersey’s cleanup hitter sports a .331 average and 30 homeruns, which gives him plenty of pop that can protect Paste. Granted, pitching to both players may result in two consecutive dingers, but at least your opponent would’ve earned the deuce instead of you giving it up by giving Paste four balls.
It’s scary to think that Paste could’ve actually placed higher if he actually had other abilities that were even a quarter of the level of this batting. Still, I place Paste higher than the much-revered Bo Jackson for one simple reason: Paste is a rare gem in a far more balanced game. Bo, while unquestionably a monster, is a monster in a completely broken title; a broken title that favored offensive far more than defensive. Paste excels way above the confines of his game, and wears the crown of the best videogame baseball player of all time.
