If Michael Vick played baseball‭ (‬and was approximately‭ ‬20‭ ‬years older‭)‬,‭ ‬he would be Vince Coleman.‭ ‬An odd comparison,‭ ‬you say‭? ‬Not really,‭ ‬Mr.‭ ‬Pass Judgment Too Early.‭ ‬They’re both swift-footed,‭ ‬they’ve both played for second-rate teams,‭ ‬and they’ve both had a penchant for very stupid actions.‭ ‬Although Vince wasn’t responsible for a pair of pit bulls gnawing one another to shreds,‭ ‬he did toss firecrackers at fans,‭ ‬and claimed that he didn’t‭ “‬know nothing about no Jackie Robinson‭”‬,‭ ‬instances that got him into a whole world of media hurt.‭ ‬Luckily,‭ ‬he‭ (‬like Vick‭) ‬forever remains untarnished in the realm of videogamedom.

‭ ‬I was just‭ ‬13‭ ‬when‭ ‬R.B.I.‭ ‬Baseball debuted on the NES in‭ ‬1987,‭ ‬and like many adolescents of that time,‭ ‬the game blew my mind as it was the first baseball title on the system to feature real big league players.‭ ‬As much as I loved swatting flies with a fictitious player like Paste‭ (‬who came along a year later‭)‬,‭ ‬R.B.I.‭ ‬Baseball caught my heart in a special way and stroked it gently.‭ ‬Finally,‭ ‬I could use the real‭ “‬Bash Brothers‭” ‬instead of pretending that the no-name scrubs in Nintendo’s Baseball were Canseco and McGwire.

‭But it isn’t Canseco and McGwire’s round-trippers that dominate‭ ‬R.B.I.‭ ‬Baseball‭; ‬it’s little Vince Coleman,‭ ‬outfielder for the St.‭ ‬Louis Cardinals.‭ ‬He has a very respectable‭ ‬.298‭ ‬average and just‭ ‬3‭ ‬dingers,‭ ‬but it’s his‭ “‬A‭” ‬speed rating that totally place him above all other characters in the game.‭ ‬If you can get him on first,‭ ‬for all intents and purposes,‭ ‬you could consider it an automatic double.‭

‭ ‬Tengen attempted to give Vince his rightfully deserved speed props by making him the fastest player in the game.‭ ‬He is one of the top ten all time base stealers,‭ ‬after all.‭ ‬The only problem,‭ ‬though,‭ ‬is that he’s too fast.‭ ‬A bunt,‭ ‬single,‭ ‬or walk will put you on first – - a base that Coleman isn’t going to be bound to for very long.‭ ‬You see,‭ ‬Vince Coleman is so swift that he will thief second at t‭ ‬99.9%‭ ‬clip‭; ‬no catcher can gun him out.‭ ‬Not one.‭ ‬Zero.‭ ‬Zilch.‭ ‬Nada.‭ ‬You’d have to be a total baserunning noob to be thrown out.

‭ Not only does Vince boast remarkable speed,‭ ‬he’s also the Cardinal’s lead off hitter,‭ ‬which means you’ll have a man on second‭ (‬a man fast enough to score off a single,‭ ‬mind you‭) ‬with no outs to begin each game.‭ ‬That’s quite the advantage to have over an opponent every time you fire the game up.‭ ‬That’s beyond broken‭; ‬that’s just flat-out wrong.

‭My friend Vital was a huge mark for the National League’s adherence to the fundamentals‭ (‬bunting,‭ ‬sacrificing,‭ ‬stealing,‭ ‬etc‭)‬,‭ ‬so it was he who snatched up the Cardinals in‭ ‬R.B.I Baseball and promptly educated me in all things Vince Coleman.‭ ‬Due to the character’s knack for swiping bases,‭ ‬after a few play sessions I became deathly afraid of pitching to Coleman.‭ ‬Normally,‭ ‬if you’re leery of facing a batter,‭ ‬you give him the four-ball pass and work over the weak link hitting behind him.‭ ‬But walking Coleman wasn’t an option‭; ‬I had to face him fair and square each at bat and pray to the digital diamond gods that I didn’t give him anything that he could put into play.‭ ‬If it wasn’t s strike out or a pop-up in foul territory that I could snag,‭ ‬there was always the chance that he’d reach second and beyond.

‭It was only my deft pitching skill and mind games that kept Vince Coleman from driving me into the loony bin,‭ ‬as I became quite deft at making Vital chase pitches that were a foot of the plate,‭ ‬or taking third strikes that he assumed wouldn’t cross the plate.‭

‬R.B.I.‭ ‬Baseball is no longer in my collection‭ (‬it mysteriously vanished when I moved into my current apartment‭)‬,‭ ‬but I don’t have to own it to remember the tension and frustration Vince brought to my videogame baseball career for the past‭ ‬20‭ ‬yeas.‭ ‬Now that I think about it,‭ ‬Vince Coleman isn’t untarnished in my eyes – - I hate him in videogame form,‭ ‬too.